Guys, this was supposed to be in Memo 58, but I don't think the content is suitable for anybody else other than us big guys. Or, I just want this to be among us trinity + 1 (medyo required na rin si Dis, dahil kapatid niya si Nina ;) ). A warning to Dis, though, at baka mag-squirm ka uncomfortably in your seat while you read this.
*Eternity
Basically, for the past two weeks, Nina has been going home to the Jailhouse. It's been a great life for the beginning of what promises to be a wonderful year. A wonderful lifetime, if God allows it to go on that long. The amazing thing is that I've never been queasy about the physicality of a relationship... and I'm not queasy this time around... but everything is like the first time. Every day I spend with her, every hug, every kiss, it's like the first time I'd ever done it. Funny, too, because even though I am the resident Mastur Sexpert Oneiros (which may have been one reason Dis was disapproving of our mutual affection early on)... I finally realize how important it is to wait for marriage. I feel strange talking about this on the CNN, but it's true. I had no qualms about going to bed with past girlfriends... I mean, I always saw it as part of expressing love and affection for the other person. But with Nina... I don't know, I suddenly understand how much lust played a part in my past relationships. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I loved them all... but because I allowed myself to lose control of myself sexually, I understand now that I didn't love them *enough*.
I don't know... it's like God sent me someone I could be pure with. That is just my opinion, of course, seeing as how I'm on a self-imposed campaign to become a Catholic saint. I feel (and this might be strange to hear, coming from me), well, uh, virginal. We've slept together on the same bed... hell, we've been doing that for the past two weeks. I'm not going to deny that we're physically expressive... I mean, pareho lang kaming malambing, so I guess it's a no-brainer that we kiss and hug and all that. But more than that, when we're in bed together, we pray. Yeah, you read that right. We pray... we ask for forgiveness for all our mistakes, and we thank Him for all the wonderful blessings he's given us, most specially one another. It's so strange because I don't think I've ever been *this* madly in love with anyone. So in love that I actually think that going overboard physically is *harmful* to the relationship. So in love that we try to make it a point to pray every day for Him to help us out in our relationship. So in love that I can't see myself marrying anyone else... not even Natalie Portman. Uh... umm, uh, yeah, even Natalie Portman. :)
It's crazy. Maybe it's because I'm older now, and that I can look at these things through a different perspective. I'm 24, about the same age that my grandfather married my grandmother and about the same age my father married my mother. I want to get married, too, except that it's not as easy as it sounds. Actually, it's a hell lot more difficult. It's funny, too, because I just remembered that Nina is about the same age as Bik-bik. Nina just graduated early. So far, the game plan is to get married in 2002. That would make Nina 24, and I 28. Isn't this just wacko? I mean, I'm here, in love with a woman I've been together with for just over two weeks now, and I'm talking about marriage. Of course, it shouldn't surprise anyone that marriage was one of the things that we talked about the very first day I told her I loved her. She didn't actually tell me she loved me back... not in those words exactly, which sort of delayed the 'official' announcement. Tinatanong nga ni Dis, 'kayo na ba?' I don't think there was any doubt about that... and I suppose Dis saw it coming even before either of us did. Because he was priveleged enough to see both sides of the story in progress. In any case, I'm not claiming this is the first time that I've talked about spending the rest of my days with someone. Which is actually good, because it only means that I was never fooling around in a relationship -- that is, parati kong siniseryoso at iniisip ang long-term implications. But Nina... well, I'm older, wiser, and more faithful to God than ever. I can't see how we can go wrong. But then again, that's the nature of mistakes and problems... you never see them coming. I hope that we can do this right.
Hay, ewan. Basta, sobrang masaya ako these past few weeks. I'm crazy in love. Ipadadala ko na nga ito, kasi kung hindi ko pa i-send ito, baka hindi ko ne ito mapadala ever.
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s a i n t
"I am truly convinced that people need to be constantly reminded of compassion."
- Natalie Portman